Behaviours and how to respond

Before reacting, ask: are they in pain? Hungry? Thirsty? Tired? Too hot or cold? Needing the toilet? Frightened by the room? Bored? Lonely? Most “difficult” behaviour is one of these unmet needs they can no longer name.

Walking, pacing, leaving the house — often they are looking for something familiar (a childhood home, a parent, a job they had decades ago). Safety matters: an ID bracelet, a tracker, a safe route, alerts on the front door. But also ask what they’re searching for, gently.

Anger in dementia is rarely personal. It is usually overwhelm. Lower the noise. Lower the lights. Lower your own voice. Step back, give space, and try again in a few minutes. Don’t take it home with you, even when it’s aimed at you.

Some people with dementia see things that aren’t there, or hold beliefs that don’t match reality (people stealing from them, partners being unfaithful). These can be deeply distressing for them. Don’t argue. Validate the feeling: “That sounds really frightening. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

Many people with dementia become more confused, restless or distressed in late afternoon and evening. This is called sundowning. It can help to keep evenings calm — soft lighting, familiar music, light meals, fewer visitors, a regular wind-down routine.