Bereaved by suicide

What I want you to understand is — suicide happens when someone’s pain becomes bigger than the options they can see. It wasn’t the result of one missed phone call, one wrong word, one thing you didn’t notice. The “if onlys” will come anyway. Please be gentle with the part of you that is trying to make sense of it.

Almost every person bereaved by suicide describes the loop: replaying conversations, looking for missed signs, asking why. The loop is part of grief. It is not a sign that an answer is just around the corner.

A counsellor experienced in suicide bereavement can sit with you in the loop without trying to rush you out of it. That is its own kind of help.

You’re going to meet awkward silences, changed subjects, even people who avoid you. This isn’t about you. It’s about a culture that has not yet learned how to be present with this kind of loss.

You don’t owe anyone the details of how they died. “He died suddenly” is a complete sentence.

If you found them, or witnessed something traumatic, you may also be living with symptoms of trauma — flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, dissociation. Trauma-informed therapy (such as EMDR or trauma-focused CBT) can help, alongside grief support.

Many, many people in Australia have lost someone to suicide. Peer support groups exist in every state. Hearing other people say “me too” is one of the most powerful medicines there is.